Tag Archives: love

Ask For Nothing

The game of love. The dance between male and female. I have a desire to share my insights with younger women, in the hopes of sparing them the agony of figuring it all out alone. The blessing of experience. It teaches. Looking back over of the years of my life, I can laugh pretty hard about how clueless I was about men, what they wanted and how to keep a solid – respectful partnership intact. But that’s okay,  I figured something pretty important about men and how to have a fighting chance with the one you really love.
While there are multiple ingredients to obtaining fabulous intimacy, I so clearly see how this simple insight could have spared me years of battling and much heart ache about the quality of my marriage. You see, really and truly ladies, men are created to give and provide. Men actually do spend time thinking about how to give pleasure to the woman they have set their sights on. They naturally give. I did not know this. I did not understand men and I did not have older women teaching me this truth, either. But I learned. I figured it out after years of making constant requests. Hints, subtleties, pushes, dare I say it?? – straight up manipulation on every available level. The truth is I wasn’t trying to sabotage my love life, I just thought I had to vocalize my wants and needs. I mean, how would my man know how to please me if I did not make it clear?

Truth was I was a little too Type A about the whole thing, and too wrapped up in achieving soul mate bliss. I needed to chill. I needed to shut-up and let my man do his thing. My constant hints and pleas were only stifling his natural ability to satisfy me. If as women we are going to be all caught up in romance, then we might have to have a measure of faith in our knight in shining armor. If you choose him, if you’re drawn to something deep within him and just have to get next to him, then trust that what you’re attracted to is his potential to rock your world. Just saying, ask for nothing – wait and see what he has thought up for you.Chances are it exceeds anything you could have requested. #PleasingAbba

Relationship 201: The Power of The Tongue and What I Wish I Learned Sooner

I have learned a few things in 12 years of marriage, and although I consider myself humble in all that I still have to master, I think it so valuable what I have paid for in pain. If my platform allows me to help other young women avoid mistakes and gain knowledge prematurely, then my work is complete. Looking back, the power of my words was something I thought too little on and never gave enough weight to, until I suffered the consequences. And where else are we more likely to be wounded the deepest, then in our love lives and personal relationships? I bring it up because, as I discussed a little more in Missing The Father of My Child As A Teen Mom, I felt incomplete as a young, single parent. I knew I had a family, but I was missing the man. Now we all hear how you should be confident and single, and I totally agree it is a place to work towards, but this “hole” in my life consumed a lot of my thoughts. It became a need and I became focused on meeting that need in my life. The problem therein was that a man became my solution, and in that, I was totally deceived.

I like to make sport of love at times because I have come to the belief that it is a matter totally out of our control, who we fall madly in love with. I believe in destiny. I believe we are slaves to that biological demand and we will only mate with those humans who are completely compatible for reproduction. Primitive? Maybe, but the kind of love I feel, it’s for one man alone. It’s powerful. It defies reason and no force can stop it. I can’t explain it, but I can tell you that you, too, may find yourself in the same predicament. My goal here is to point out the maintenance of such love, to make you think about the power of your words towards those whom you say you need.

Love is amazing and having a family is amazing….. sometimes. Other times it is really boring or hard or self-sacrificing. Like any good thing, the harder you work at it the better the outcome. I was convinced that getting married would solve many of my problems. Life has been more enriched sharing my journey with my spouse, but my weaknesses, my character flaws – they didn’t magically disappear because I got married.

I needed to understand that hard work on my own integrity was the necessary key to my happiness.

Because the primitive need is always there, but how do we respectfully and intelligently nurture our love? Ladies, please hear me, the power is in your tongue. To keep quite in the storms, when stronger voices rage. To speak words of healing and power over the one you chose to spend your life with. I promise you, if you place a high standard on the words you allow to come out in your relationships, you will live to see the fruit of your labors! If only I had learned this sooner.

#PleasingAbba