Category Archives: Success

Ask For Nothing

The game of love. The dance between male and female. I have a desire to share my insights with younger women, in the hopes of sparing them the agony of figuring it all out alone. The blessing of experience. It teaches. Looking back over of the years of my life, I can laugh pretty hard about how clueless I was about men, what they wanted and how to keep a solid – respectful partnership intact. But that’s okay,  I figured something pretty important about men and how to have a fighting chance with the one you really love.
While there are multiple ingredients to obtaining fabulous intimacy, I so clearly see how this simple insight could have spared me years of battling and much heart ache about the quality of my marriage. You see, really and truly ladies, men are created to give and provide. Men actually do spend time thinking about how to give pleasure to the woman they have set their sights on. They naturally give. I did not know this. I did not understand men and I did not have older women teaching me this truth, either. But I learned. I figured it out after years of making constant requests. Hints, subtleties, pushes, dare I say it?? – straight up manipulation on every available level. The truth is I wasn’t trying to sabotage my love life, I just thought I had to vocalize my wants and needs. I mean, how would my man know how to please me if I did not make it clear?

Truth was I was a little too Type A about the whole thing, and too wrapped up in achieving soul mate bliss. I needed to chill. I needed to shut-up and let my man do his thing. My constant hints and pleas were only stifling his natural ability to satisfy me. If as women we are going to be all caught up in romance, then we might have to have a measure of faith in our knight in shining armor. If you choose him, if you’re drawn to something deep within him and just have to get next to him, then trust that what you’re attracted to is his potential to rock your world. Just saying, ask for nothing – wait and see what he has thought up for you.Chances are it exceeds anything you could have requested. #PleasingAbba

Relationship 201: The Power of The Tongue and What I Wish I Learned Sooner

I have learned a few things in 12 years of marriage, and although I consider myself humble in all that I still have to master, I think it so valuable what I have paid for in pain. If my platform allows me to help other young women avoid mistakes and gain knowledge prematurely, then my work is complete. Looking back, the power of my words was something I thought too little on and never gave enough weight to, until I suffered the consequences. And where else are we more likely to be wounded the deepest, then in our love lives and personal relationships? I bring it up because, as I discussed a little more in Missing The Father of My Child As A Teen Mom, I felt incomplete as a young, single parent. I knew I had a family, but I was missing the man. Now we all hear how you should be confident and single, and I totally agree it is a place to work towards, but this “hole” in my life consumed a lot of my thoughts. It became a need and I became focused on meeting that need in my life. The problem therein was that a man became my solution, and in that, I was totally deceived.

I like to make sport of love at times because I have come to the belief that it is a matter totally out of our control, who we fall madly in love with. I believe in destiny. I believe we are slaves to that biological demand and we will only mate with those humans who are completely compatible for reproduction. Primitive? Maybe, but the kind of love I feel, it’s for one man alone. It’s powerful. It defies reason and no force can stop it. I can’t explain it, but I can tell you that you, too, may find yourself in the same predicament. My goal here is to point out the maintenance of such love, to make you think about the power of your words towards those whom you say you need.

Love is amazing and having a family is amazing….. sometimes. Other times it is really boring or hard or self-sacrificing. Like any good thing, the harder you work at it the better the outcome. I was convinced that getting married would solve many of my problems. Life has been more enriched sharing my journey with my spouse, but my weaknesses, my character flaws – they didn’t magically disappear because I got married.

I needed to understand that hard work on my own integrity was the necessary key to my happiness.

Because the primitive need is always there, but how do we respectfully and intelligently nurture our love? Ladies, please hear me, the power is in your tongue. To keep quite in the storms, when stronger voices rage. To speak words of healing and power over the one you chose to spend your life with. I promise you, if you place a high standard on the words you allow to come out in your relationships, you will live to see the fruit of your labors! If only I had learned this sooner.

#PleasingAbba

I’m a Terrible Wife

I admit it, I have messed up pretty bad as a wife. I didn’t mean for it to happen like that, but when life beat me down, the time came when I threw in the towel. I took the self-centered, easy way out. I have confessed my wrong. I am seeking amends and clarity through my higher power. I have turned to the church for guidance and I have committed myself to a new way of life. It hasn’t been easy. It has been really hard at times. It is what people do, though, when they blow it. They try their best to make it right. It’s called character, or integrity, and it is something I think young women need to here more about. Because if we get honest, everyone makes mistakes. If you get hit hard enough in life, you may find yourself on the bad end of an ill placed decision.

I start by coming clean with one of my own flaws before I point out those of my fellow woman. You see, I really have another point. For Mother’s day this year I got cash instead of flowers and when I went to the supermarket to get myself something nice to cheer me up, I decided to splurge on fashion mags; a personal lust. The covers of Vogue and Bazaar caught my eye, bright and beautiful colors, both featuring successful blondes we all recognize well. Once home I poured from cover to cover over the next 24 hours, soaking in the latest in style. I especially love to see what the top dogs have to offer my endless crave for beauty and the perfect look I can create in my own mind’s eye. I have a background in fashion and in modeling, so I am hyper sensitive to what is shared on these popular pages. My passion for work with young women is a constant tug on my heart and it is always critiquing the images these wealthy publishers are pumping out to my culture. I am always hoping, but seldom finding, class. Women who will carry the staff of self-worth and respect with the load of wealth and fame.

Taylor Swift was on the cover of Vogue posing in a mini skirt dress. Her legs were open yet crossed, leaving the eye staring down there wondering if you maybe can see something more. She sold out to do a shoot in a short dress with her legs open. What else can you say? I was sad, to see this iconic singer, whom so many young girls and boys are looking up to, pictured in such a way. I wish Taylor saw the impact as a negative for so many young women. Women need to use their minds to succeed, not their nudity. Period. If the leading women aren’t teaching that, then were are all in trouble. Jennifer Lawrence also left me wanting. While I don’t remember any opened legged pics in a skirt, she basically posed topless, wearing only a see-through black dress. In the article she discussed her recent involvement in the fight for equal pay. She said she was standing up for the average woman, not someone that’s as “absolutely fabulous” as she is. But, Jennifer, if you really are standing up for the average American working woman, like me, I have to ask, what are you going to do about it? I mean, you do have an advantage, to really help other women. Maybe you could start by getting dressed, with underwear, just when you’re posing for images that are going to be blasted in front of your millions of young fans? Think about it. Women leaders need to use their intellect and stick together. Baring skin won’t beat out the old boys’ club, ya know? #PleasingAbba

Rap, Nudity and Women

I enjoy a good rap song. As a music lover it was bound to happen. Growing up in the 80’s and 90’s in the suburbs of Detroit, it was practically inevitable. I remember the dances in middle school and the jams from the skate rink. For my generation, rap is pop culture. I’ve always had a very particular taste and to be honest, once I got to college, I had outgrown most rap. I still love to hear a good rip, especially if there is a level of integrity behind what the song writer is trying to express.

Lately though, I have noticed a disturbing trend in the rap videos I watch on YouTube: blatant nudity using women. Now I know this has happened in the past, but now it is the norm. To get specific, large naked female butts draped across the images of a rapper’s lifestyle. All to the beat of the newest song being played in brainwashing repetition by your local radio station. Let me get straight to my point:

I am trying to encourage young mothers and women alike to get their secondary education. I am doing this because I understand the difference a college education can make in a single mom’s world. It is dog-eat-dog out there! Trust me ladies, you need all the advantage you can get in this life. Yet, my competition is rap music; a multi-million dollar industry that is now using the naked female body to portray success. How can I encourage young ladies to keep their clothes on and focus on their minds along with their attributes towards society? How can I convey to my nation that glorifying sexual nudity in public is satanic and downright trashy? Hopefully I just did.  #PleasingAbba

Knowledge Sabbatical

Becoming an author has been a learning experience. The vision for the book comes. Once you decide it is a project that you are taking on, from that moment, you live the book. You live the process. You must give yourself to it. You become a journalist. You gather your facts and information which you know in advance will be needed. Every writer probably has an unique process. I have heard many describe writing a book as “Birthing”. However you want to say it, you must allow the space and time to create. You must GO there. Wherever that is, your imagination or your past, maybe deep into the recesses of your own soul, to find the ultimate story, to tell it exactly as only you can. It is an adventure. It is deep, it is draining and, like giving birth, it takes a strength that must be summoned.

God has opened up a door for me to get away from my normal surroundings and go to a Christian retreat. There, I will be able to rest, gain support and have a lot of free time to write. I will miss my social media relationships while I am gone, but like my phone experiment, I know I will flow right back into my constant presence on Facebook, WordPress, Google, Instagram and Twitter. I thank you all for following me through this journey. Know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers as I prepare for the next phase of my ministry. I am so geeked to complete this next project and link up with more like minded women who share the Pleasing Abba vision:

Every Nation

Every Language

Creating Opportunity

Eliminating poverty

#PleasingAbba

Synergy As A Source

The power that comes together when like-minded people join forces, Synergy. In this life of struggle and dog-eat-dog, let’s face it, we need all the support we can get. A huge part of my ability to overcome negative statistics as a teen mom was the devotion of responsible mentors who wanted to see me succeed. I was down. I was overwhelmed and I needed a team of people to set my feet on solid ground. Trust worthy caregivers to care for my son who was only weeks old when I returned to high school. Compassionate counselors who knew my pain and the kind of direction I needed to be imprinted with. And of course, the administrators who ran the programs and saw to it my educational needs were accessible. My life changed drastically when I became a first time mother at sixteen, but I have a success story that came out of despair and I can promise you it was not something I could have done alone. It required synergy as my source.

As life went on I found seasons change. I settled down to have a family. The simple fact of having a baby (or 6) at home can make it seem like there is no getting out. I became very isolated during the thick of my childbearing years. Suddenly, I was submerged. The long hours and the sleepless nights that went on for years. The challenges of money that come with acquiring more responsibility, it all was too much to handle alone. I looked around one day and realized losing my support system, or failing to ensure a new one, was a mistake. I needed help. I needed friendship and quality people in my life for it to be balanced. Though I benefited from the support of other good people during my single years, I had let it go thinking that was the normal thing we all did as spouses and parents. I excepted that everyone became more involved with tending to their own families and I followed suit.

When God called me to begin this ministry, my instinct was to surrounded myself with people who were already living ministry leadership. I changed my news feeds so I only saw posts from these mentors. I began to seek out my guidance and direction through anointed relationships. God was using others to bring me into this new level of my life.  I had reached a place were I understood it was no good for me to operate alone. The work God was doing required MANY. I faced the issues of hard relationships. I faced the issues of negative relationships. Both of these complications had kept me closed off and isolated in the past. I needed tools and I needed synergy again to beat the odds, to be a success at what God was calling me to do. One of these important relationships came in the form of a Twitter follow. Someone I had connected with recommended daily emails via #DailyProphetic and Neilvermillion.com. This became a powerful connection in my social media experience. I felt whenever Neil put a word out, it was an opportunity to meet with the Lord Himself and be refreshed.

 

Synergy as my source has become a motto in my life. I need the right people to break out into influence if I intend to reach the youth of this world with the love of the Father. It is a work I cannot do alone. It is bigger than me. It requires many experts. It will require a strength that must be tapped into through the anointed elect. Whatever you are trying to accomplish for God, I know you will find yourself in need of empowerment. Stay connected to the anointing of the Holy Spirit which is present in this age. Together, we can do great things! #PleasingAbba #DailyProphetic #TeenMomSuccess

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