Category Archives: Accountability

Relationship 201: The Power of The Tongue and What I Wish I Learned Sooner

I have learned a few things in 12 years of marriage, and although I consider myself humble in all that I still have to master, I think it so valuable what I have paid for in pain. If my platform allows me to help other young women avoid mistakes and gain knowledge prematurely, then my work is complete. Looking back, the power of my words was something I thought too little on and never gave enough weight to, until I suffered the consequences. And where else are we more likely to be wounded the deepest, then in our love lives and personal relationships? I bring it up because, as I discussed a little more in Missing The Father of My Child As A Teen Mom, I felt incomplete as a young, single parent. I knew I had a family, but I was missing the man. Now we all hear how you should be confident and single, and I totally agree it is a place to work towards, but this “hole” in my life consumed a lot of my thoughts. It became a need and I became focused on meeting that need in my life. The problem therein was that a man became my solution, and in that, I was totally deceived.

I like to make sport of love at times because I have come to the belief that it is a matter totally out of our control, who we fall madly in love with. I believe in destiny. I believe we are slaves to that biological demand and we will only mate with those humans who are completely compatible for reproduction. Primitive? Maybe, but the kind of love I feel, it’s for one man alone. It’s powerful. It defies reason and no force can stop it. I can’t explain it, but I can tell you that you, too, may find yourself in the same predicament. My goal here is to point out the maintenance of such love, to make you think about the power of your words towards those whom you say you need.

Love is amazing and having a family is amazing….. sometimes. Other times it is really boring or hard or self-sacrificing. Like any good thing, the harder you work at it the better the outcome. I was convinced that getting married would solve many of my problems. Life has been more enriched sharing my journey with my spouse, but my weaknesses, my character flaws – they didn’t magically disappear because I got married.

I needed to understand that hard work on my own integrity was the necessary key to my happiness.

Because the primitive need is always there, but how do we respectfully and intelligently nurture our love? Ladies, please hear me, the power is in your tongue. To keep quite in the storms, when stronger voices rage. To speak words of healing and power over the one you chose to spend your life with. I promise you, if you place a high standard on the words you allow to come out in your relationships, you will live to see the fruit of your labors! If only I had learned this sooner.

#PleasingAbba

I’m a Terrible Wife

I admit it, I have messed up pretty bad as a wife. I didn’t mean for it to happen like that, but when life beat me down, the time came when I threw in the towel. I took the self-centered, easy way out. I have confessed my wrong. I am seeking amends and clarity through my higher power. I have turned to the church for guidance and I have committed myself to a new way of life. It hasn’t been easy. It has been really hard at times. It is what people do, though, when they blow it. They try their best to make it right. It’s called character, or integrity, and it is something I think young women need to here more about. Because if we get honest, everyone makes mistakes. If you get hit hard enough in life, you may find yourself on the bad end of an ill placed decision.

I start by coming clean with one of my own flaws before I point out those of my fellow woman. You see, I really have another point. For Mother’s day this year I got cash instead of flowers and when I went to the supermarket to get myself something nice to cheer me up, I decided to splurge on fashion mags; a personal lust. The covers of Vogue and Bazaar caught my eye, bright and beautiful colors, both featuring successful blondes we all recognize well. Once home I poured from cover to cover over the next 24 hours, soaking in the latest in style. I especially love to see what the top dogs have to offer my endless crave for beauty and the perfect look I can create in my own mind’s eye. I have a background in fashion and in modeling, so I am hyper sensitive to what is shared on these popular pages. My passion for work with young women is a constant tug on my heart and it is always critiquing the images these wealthy publishers are pumping out to my culture. I am always hoping, but seldom finding, class. Women who will carry the staff of self-worth and respect with the load of wealth and fame.

Taylor Swift was on the cover of Vogue posing in a mini skirt dress. Her legs were open yet crossed, leaving the eye staring down there wondering if you maybe can see something more. She sold out to do a shoot in a short dress with her legs open. What else can you say? I was sad, to see this iconic singer, whom so many young girls and boys are looking up to, pictured in such a way. I wish Taylor saw the impact as a negative for so many young women. Women need to use their minds to succeed, not their nudity. Period. If the leading women aren’t teaching that, then were are all in trouble. Jennifer Lawrence also left me wanting. While I don’t remember any opened legged pics in a skirt, she basically posed topless, wearing only a see-through black dress. In the article she discussed her recent involvement in the fight for equal pay. She said she was standing up for the average woman, not someone that’s as “absolutely fabulous” as she is. But, Jennifer, if you really are standing up for the average American working woman, like me, I have to ask, what are you going to do about it? I mean, you do have an advantage, to really help other women. Maybe you could start by getting dressed, with underwear, just when you’re posing for images that are going to be blasted in front of your millions of young fans? Think about it. Women leaders need to use their intellect and stick together. Baring skin won’t beat out the old boys’ club, ya know? #PleasingAbba